O.M.G. IT'S ARRIVED!!!!
As you can probably tell I am extremely excited today, hence my use of a disproportionate number of exclamation marks!!!
After an interminable wait, it has finally arrived!
I had originally planned for this to be a surprise when I wore it to interview - it was to be my 'secret weapon' to show that unlike other candidates, I am always thinking A HEAD, and thus the job would be in the bag, but now it's arrived, I am just too excited not to show you my new EDINBURGH TRAMS GENERAL MANAGER HAT!
Isn't it AWESOME?
I ordered it from some guy on Ebay who specialises in hats and uniforms!
He's in the United States, but I told him I could probably use him to provide all the Edinburgh Trams uniforms and head wear.
Once he'd done a bit of Googling, he said he would be DELIGHTED to enter into a water-tight contract, drawn up by our Edinburgh Trams contract experts, along similar lines to the contracts we have with the existing suppliers. He was so happy, he was sort of chuckling while he said it.
Now, you might be worried that an Ebay seller might not produce the WORLD CLASS quality which the 'Edinburgh Trams' brand deserves, but you don't have to worry about that, Marie. This guy told me he used to make hats for Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, President Saddam Hussein, and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il (among others). Apparently the bottom has recently fallen out of the ruthless dictator fashion accessory market, which means he now has spare capacity and is able to supply items to Edinburgh Trams at VERY REASONABLE PRICES!
We're already seriously behind schedule Marie, as you know, so I'd like to strike while the iron is hot and go ahead and order these hats. I can claim the expenses back when I start work.
The Ebay seller says he can do these hats at £25 each. Plus £30 for a special one with gold braid for the TRAM GENERAL MANAGER. He says he can get that gold braid off an old pair of curtains his mother has stored in an old chest in the garage.
I reckon we'll need one for each driver and conductor, and with 26 trams that's 52 hats.
Estimated costings are therefore:
52 standard hats @ £25 = £1300
1 special hat @ £30 = £ 30
Fact-finding trip to Las Vegas, Nevada to check the production facilities = £ 800
7 nights accommodation in the Bellagio Hotel, Las Vegas to discuss order = £6500
Hire of Meeting room at Bellagio Hotel = £2000
Tea and biscuits (standard Edinburgh Council Requirement)= £ 700
Miscellaneous Expenses = £1200
Postage = £ 200
Import Duty = £ 800
Insurance = £ 100
Headed Notepaper to place order = £ 150
Apple iPad for Ebay access = £ 500
Total: = £14,280
I am sure that you will agree that this constitutes very good value, being only about one thousandth of one percent of the overall tram budget. It's practically negligible, so I'll just get on with that.
In the meantime, please don't tell the interview panel about my great hat idea, as I still want it to be a surprise when I attend the interview ready to start work straight away!
Tram General Manager, Procurement Specialist and Visionary OF THE FUTURE