Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Merry Christmas!

A Very Merry Christmas to all our readers! With the acting Trams General Manager working his (extremely protracted)  notice period, and the tram Leith extension plans apparently hitting the buffers, here's hoping 2016 will mark the year that Edinburgh Trams finally welcome a fresh approach, and allow Aldo to jump aboard!

Friday, 28 August 2015

Edinburgh Trams in fake confectionery shocker!


Tram chiefs have come under fire for spending £80,000 on a General Manager who was made of icing sugar, a Freedom of Information Request has revealed.

The previous Edinburgh Trams General Manager, Tom Norris, was allegedly constructed from a metal or plastic framework, covered in marzipan and icing sugar, we have learned.

"We originally struggled to find a suitable fall-guy for the Trams", explained our council source, "so the decision was made to construct a confectionery stand-in."

"To start with we went for a giant gingerbread man, but to be honest, that was fooling no-one, and besides, someone left it unattended in the City Chambers and Councillor Steve Cardownie had its leg off for his elevenses, so we resorted to plan B - the icing sugar Tom Norris"

The sugary General Manager played a vital role in the first year of tram operations, but it's believed a foolhardy decision to send him on a non air-conditioned tram in the summer months resulted in his unfortunate meltdown.

"Yes, he's sadly no longer with us", confirmed a spokesperson, "but we've almost got the mess off the seats now. Unfortunately we don't currently have sufficient funds to order an icing replacement, however we are currently in talks with Greggs, to see of there is anything we can do with their surplus of Macaroni pies"

Friday, 29 May 2015

First Tramiversary!

29th May 2015

Dear Marie,

I hope this letter finds you well, it is quite some time since I've been in touch, and I must apologise for that.

Unfortunately I have spent the last 8 months in TRACTION, after coming a cropper when attempting to pedal my unicycle across the tram lines at slightly less than a 90-degree angle. I have thus been unable to put pen to paper, and while I could have dictated a letter to my manservant BILFINGER, I decided our correspondence was a private matter and unsuitable to entrust to someone of his social class.

I have however kept myself informed of all the exciting events at EDINBURGH TRAMS. It has certainly been a tumultuous year!

Why just the other day young Tom Norris mentioned to me that we were fast approaching the FIRST TRAMIVERSARY of Edinburgh Trams - one entire year of carrying pensioners to the airport - I could hardly believe it, and knew that I must be one of the first to congratulate everyone at EDINBURGH TRAMS!

Who would have believed it possible, that Edinburgh Trams would reach their first anniversary? Certainly not me, Marie, I don't mind telling you - I never fail to be amazed what Lesley Hinds can achieve with an unlimited budget and a willingness to sacrifice everything the Edinburgh Council Tax Payer holds dear in the name of the trams!

Of course it's not all been plain sailing, there have been lots of highs and lows throughout the year, too numerous to mention, but I thought I'd create a nice TRAMIVERSARY artwork for you in which I would try to remember some of the key events. I hope that this will find favour with you and your colleagues and soon take pride of place amongst the other works of art I have sent previously.

Once again, congratulations to all at EDINBURGH TRAMS, I look forward to hopefully joining you on EDINBURGH'S UNSTOPPABLE GRAVY-TRAM, should any suitable vacancy become available in the future.

Best Wishes,

Aldo 'It only hurts when I breathe' Broon