A New Year, A New Opportunity

1st January 2013

Dear Marie,

Firstly may I take this opportunity to wish everyone at EDINBURGH TRAMS a very Happy New Year!  I hope everyone had a great time at the Christmas party, and were able to make the most of it, safe in the knowledge that they weren't going to have to get up and drive a tram the next morning, or indeed any time soon.

I had prepared you a special Edinburgh Trams-themed Christmas card this year, but unfortunately I was housebound most of the week, unable to exit my house for the vast pile of domestic rubbish which had accumulated there, untroubled by the appearance of an Edinburgh Council bin man for several weeks.

Hopefully strong winds over the next couple of days will blow most of it away. In the meantime I have decided to email you this belated Christmas card instead. (please find attached)

This email isn't purely social however Marie. I've heard that the recruitment drive for new Edinburgh Tram drivers has now begun in earnest. Obviously, I had previously set my sights somewhat higher, namely the role of 'TRAM GENERAL MANAGER' (was this post ever filled - I haven't heard any news?) but I have now come to terms with the fact that it may be necessary to start at the bottom and work my way up.

"Rome wasn't built in a day", they say. Although admittedly, it was probably built at a rate considerably faster than our little Edinburgh Tram line.

To this end, I would now like to apply for the role of EDINBURGH TRAM DRIVER. I hunted about for your excellent website, but it now seems to have disappeared and been replaced with some shoddy purely-functional Edinburgh Council page. I used to enjoy reading the works of fiction that were the official Edinburgh Trams press releases, Marie, I hope you will be bringing back the old site soon?

On the site 'http://www.edinburghtramscareers.com/' you appear to have an online application form. I was wondering if it would be necessary for me to complete this as I have already sent you all my pertinent details for the previous role?

Nonetheless, I had a quick look through the online form, and I'm sorry to report that there are a few issues which I think might lower the professional image that Edinburgh Trams has worked so hard to build over the past six years.

Firstly, the 'How did you hear about us?' section, I was slightly puzzled that the Jobcentre, Popular Newspapers etc. are ommitted from the list, while the 'Mumsnet' forum gets included. That seems a frankly bizarre choice.

Question 5, option 2 is 'the trannig I'm given to provide me with all the information I need to do my job'.

Likewise, Question 12, option 2 is 'someone who takes calcualted risks'.

Perhaps Edinburgh Trams needs to provide someone with the dictionary they need to do their job, and tell them to be more cautious when constructing recruitment forms?

Quite frankly Marie, you've had years to get these application forms right, and to have such basic mistakes in them this late in the process just looks a bit shoddy and amateur. NOT the sort of thing we expect from EDINBURGH TRAMS.

I notice that the closing date for applications is the 14th of January, and I'm not sure if you will all still be on your Christmas holidays then, but I'd appreciate if you could let me know if you'd like me to re-apply using that crappy online form by then, or if you already have enough information from my previous application to assess my suitability as an EDINBURGH TRAM DRIVER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

All the Best,

Aldo 'No change given' Broon

TRAM DRIVER OF THE FUTURE

P.S. I have also been memorising all the 'conditions of carriage' for the new Edinburgh Trams, so if you think I might be better suited as a Tram Conductor/Straßenbahn Führer, please also consider this an application for that post.